The following strategies have been clinically proven by years of objective testing, trial-and-error, and professional experience to not work in human relations:
controlling strategies
Trying to solve another person’s problems by behaving like you are the expert and/or have the answers unless the other person has specifically come to you to get advice on the topic at hand.
Taking the “I know what’s best for you” approach in your relationship to any other person.
Actively trying to persuade another person to change or take action in any given direction unless your immediate wellbeing or the wellbeing of others is at stake (if so, disclose this).
If the problem involves you, jumping into problem-solving mode without gaining understanding of the nature of the problem from all individuals involved first.
Blame-oriented strategies
Criticizing or blaming the other person for a situation in their life or the problems in your own life.
Shaming another person for their actions, choices, or mistakes.
Labeling another person (e.g. narcissist, alcoholic), rather than describing a specific behavior of theirs that you are observing.
Taking sides.
disconnected Strategies
Being in a hurry or having a mindset of wanting to get on with it when interacting with someone.
Marginalizing another person’s experience or asking them to feel differently than they feel. This includes statements like, “there, there; you’ll be fine.”
Overstating another person’s apparent problems (or agreeing with other people’s exaggerated versions of the problem) in order to console or side with them.
Staying silent toward another other person or withdrawing from them emotionally to avoid uncomfortable interactions and to try to make another person’s emotions disappear.
What’s the alternative? Click here to read my blog article on a constructive thing to say to someone who is upset.
Source: Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change (2nd ed) by William R. Miller & Stephen Rollnick